Foreplay

I've been neglectful. I beg your forgiveness.
I have a very intense conversation with a close friend the other day. He was having some tough times with the girl he was trying to date. And to paraphrase his gripe - she was terrible. awful. horrible in bed. I believe the term he used was "dead fish syndrome." And while I am not the most prolific nor most skilled (I guess the term is) lover. I could feel his pain. Mainly because his description was so detailed and painful. There was no reciprocation. He did all the work and then was expected to then be ready for the main event.

Now, I feel like we've all grown up in a time where the running joke has always been that guys don't know how to perform foreplay. Or that they always rush things. Or they do not concentrate on their partner's experience enough. And this may be all true. I am not out there asking every girl their terrible sexually experiences. But I know I have, and according to my nameless friend he has too, tried to make any physical contact, be it over the shirt second base to passionate, sweaty, quivering... you get the picture..., to be as much about my partner as about myself.

We got to talking. We know that one experience does not make a trend. But could it be? Could the pendulum have shifted so much? That women are now the ones clueless on how to excite their men. "Dead fish syndrome" is not acceptable. Such interactions need to be a two way street.

I now come to you. This needs to be more of dialogue with any of my readers that are still left. I am jumping to many conclusions.

Not Condoning...

But wouldn't it be great if California could make an extra $1 billion a year in these tight economic times?

Going beyond that a brief history of the way things are...

Make it a Trillion

I found this post on mint.com. It's very interesting trying to grapple with the amount of money being spent to stimulate the economy, see if this helps: how much is a trillion dollars?

Catch Up

Even though I haven't posted in almost week, nor have I posted regularly for several weeks, I do spend a relatively large sum of time staring at my blog page. No. It is not a vanity thing -- waiting for the next person to comment on an old post. If this were the case, I'd be a very sad man. I haven't felt inspired to post much. There hasn't been anything glaringly important in the news (at least not that has absorbed my attention). My life hasn't taken a major, life-altering step. It continues on, day-to-day, much the same as it always does. Well maybe that's not true. Looking back, there might have been a major change, it just happened so slowly I didn't notice.

Let me give you a quick run down of some major milestones in the last few weeks:

1) I gave my first "big" talk about my work to the department last Tuesday. I felt really good, and I went in feeling calm, cool and collected. And happily for me, many of the comments I received were extremely favorable. People liked my work. They liked the way I presented it. Some even found it exciting -- so in all I came away unscathed and moving forward.

2) This led to a moment, experienced Wednesday evening of last week, where I looked up from a scientific paper I was reading and announced to no one in particular, that I LOVE what I am doing right now. I have been super busy and super absorbed in my work and microbiology, as a whole -- this is a monumental change. I find myself asking, "when did I become a grad student?" I have been putting a much larger number of hours into grad work than ever before. And it's great.

3) Much to my dismay (and others) I have been thinking about Bombshell too much and too often.

4) I attended a weekend long retreat with the department. And had a great time with everyone. It was amazing. It was fun. It was productive. It was a great retreat. It was estimated that the students were intoxicated 50-75% of the time. While the faculty was intoxicated 35-50% of the time. Definitely a great retreat.

5) I have finally finished grading lab report, which have been the bane of my existence for 3 weeks. I feel bad because I looks like I gave the smack down, while other TAs might have been more forgiving. I guess my policy is -- if you can't write English, minus points. If you can't follow directions, minus points. And if you have yet to grasp scientific writing, minus points. They are all seniors. They should know better. Or at least I think they should.

6) My car suffered a catastrophic tire failure on the way home from work Tuesday night. It has been replaced along with another tire to the tune of $320. HURRAY!

7) Did I mention I've been thinking about Bombshell too much? Need to make it stop. It's just getting frustrating/annoying now.

More to come soon. I promise. Please keep reading!! :)

A Story of Grad School Absurdity

So I felt that considering the title of my blog is Grad School Prison, I should actually write a post about graduate school, as opposed to the random thoughts that strike my psyche while locked in it's confines.

This is a story about the effort (and absurdity) used to lure next year's pure and innocent prospective students to select our bitter and used department for 6 long years of a cold, unloving relationship.

Each year, graduate departments in the major sciences around the country fly out prospective students to meet faculty and students and hold interviews (this is a prime example of academic wining and dining). My department hosted 25 prospective students. TWENTY-FIVE! This number may not sound absurd out of context -- but let's consider the number of research faculty in the department. I believe the number is currently around 11. Which means, that even if every faculty member was to invite a new student into their lab, they'd not be inviting 14. Here's the rub, approximately 4 faculty are accepting/have funding for students.

So as a current grad student answering questions, when someone asks, "What are the chances of me getting in?". I'd have to reply, "Not good. especially, if you want to work with [insert name here]."

Now let's consider how much money it costs to fly out 25 individuals. And then wine and dine them for 48 hours --
25 x $300/per flight = $7,500
2 x rental vans (+ gas) = $120
13 rooms in the Leows Hotel on Ocean Blvd, listed as $319/room, but let's assume the number of rooms resulted in a group rate, $250/room = $3,250
Dinner for 30 people at Budda's Belly = $900
Dinner for 30 people at Marisol's with an open bar = $???? (Any guesses?)

Again, you may be asking me what is the big deal? --

Historic fact: last year the 15 prospective students (6 of whom were accepted) stayed here. And the year before, for my year (20 prospective students, 13 accepted) they put us up here. It was in Palos Verdes. Not close to the beach. Not close to a bar. Not close to anywhere of interest.

While some of this may sound like resentment over not receiving the royal treatment myself. A lot my aggravation is due to the bait-and-switch method such used on graduate students. As they have shown, time and again -- once they have us in their clutches, the romance goes out the window and out comes the ball gag (forgot I was trying to use a romance metaphor). Such an example would be this year's attempt to cancel the yearly retreat. Something that had already been pushed back from last semester. Something that the new students need in order to be meet everyone in the department. I know too many 4th year students who have never met any of the 1st year class. And They attempted to cancel the event, using an excuse of lacking funds. I wonder where it all went.

I should get a tatoo that reads: "Modern Indentured Servant"

Wah wah trombones

For anyone who listens to Marketplace, you know the wah-wah trombones are for down days in the stock market. I have been mulling over a post about the terrible wildfires in Australia, and how they symbolize the future for CA. More on that soon.

But, I was just cruising the Internet, like one does, and came across this nugget of information at Daily Kos. In brief, the global economy was just three hours away from complete collapse in mid-September. Three hours away from a barter system and marshall law and anarchy. The end of civilization as we know it. You can read Daily Kos full post, but some choice excerts include:

Representative Sherman later revealed that members were warned that Martial Law would result if the $700 bailout plan was not passed, and Iguadland10 posted another video ascribing that particular warning to Paulson.

The New York Times quoted Senator Dodd as jumping in when Charles Schumer described the meeting as 'somber': “Somber doesn’t begin to justify the words,” he said. “We have never heard language like this.” Also from NYT: Although Mr. Schumer, Mr. Dodd and other participants declined to repeat precisely what they were told by Mr. Bernanke and Mr. Paulson, they said the two men described the financial system as effectively bound in a knot that was being pulled tighter and tighter by the day.

AND from Rep. Kanjorski:

Somebody threw us into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean without a life raft and we're trying to determine what's the closest shore and whether there's any chance in the world to swim that far. We. Don't. Know.

These are really, really terrifying points of discussion. Mainly because -- what the hell does the world look like the day after civilization ends? Daily Kos points out that things are still slipping, despite all the money being thrown into the problem. Assest prices are falling. And more assests are being affected as time progresses. (Remember $4.00 gas?) Economies are still "spiraling" downwards.

So with such scary thoughts before bedtime -- what do you think the end of the civilization would be like? If you heard on the news, that the economy had collapsed, would you go to work the next day? Would you buy a gun? Would you be the first into the streets looting? I can only imagine the carnage. But maybe I am missing something. What do you think would be the first to go?

Locker Room Etiquette

Three days... must be a new record...

So I haven't been living up to my own expectations. I had hoping to make this blog a thrilling read about exciting science. No -- this is not an oxymoron. I had set out to INFORM the WORLD, about the evils of global climate change and the awesomeness of recent discoveries. And yet here I am ranting about locker room etiquette. But you know? There are plenty of blogs discussing global climate change and recent discoveries (see my recommended blogs over there --------->), so I guess someone has to rant about etiquette.

Okay first -- Old Dude, who is in the locker room what seems like every morning I am, it is not okay to dress in the order you do. Once you leave the shower, it is a locker room requirement that you apply pants to your body ASAP. For no reason, should the order be, leave the shower, take off towel, stand "proud" for the world to see, apply deodorant, put on shirt, put on socks, THEN put on underpants. It's creepy. Weird. And did I mention creepy? Maybe he should check out a site like this. (what I found when I Googled "instructions on how to dress yourself")

On a side note: how awesome is that you can use Google as a verb?

Second. Asian guy I saw two days in a row. It is not okay to self-induce engorgement of your own genitalia in a public. I know this may be confusing because normally a shower is a private thing and nothing is better than "relieving stress" with a hot stream of water running down your back. BUT this is not a private shower. In fact there are three other guys in the shower with you, wondering what the frack you are doing. No. No. STOP. We are not looking at you because we want you to continue. This is our way of letting you know that we can in fact see you and that is so not kosher! What, don't speed up. No! STOP! NO!!!! (no Danger, this is not my yelling because ejaculate is being sprayed everywhere)

That's it. I am sure I will update this list too as I spend more time in the locker room. Why are people so weird?

Vegans Win

And this is why you should think about NOT eating beef everyday --

• Pound for pound, beef production generates greenhouse gases that contribute more than 13 times as much to global warming as do the gases emitted from producing chicken. For potatoes, the multiplier is 57.
• Beef consumption is rising rapidly, both as population increases and as people eat more meat.
• Producing the annual beef diet of the average American emits as much greenhouse gas as a car driven more than 1,800 miles.

Do your part fair readers. Epic change always starts with you!

Recession

Because I have been constantly thinking about it and listening to NPR about it and reading about it, I thought I would take a second to write about the economy. I know super exciting. It won't take long. I promise. For me, it feels like watching the scene of a car accident as you drive by. You slow down, you stare, you think about how much that sucks and how you never want it to happen to you, but you shrug your shoulders and speed up and drive away. That is this recession to me. Grad school is (mostly) recession proof. The money keeps coming for the next 4.5 years regardless of the rest of the world. Which is nice to know. Not to worry I will continue to do my part in stimulating the economy -- one beer at a time.

With that said, an interesting side effect of the world at large right now, is the idea of price actualization. People finally realizing that we have been shafted for years with super inflated prices compared to manufacturing costs. The business world has been growing at our expense. Profits are down because for the first time ever, people are saying I am not going to pay $80 for a new phone that costs $11 to make.

This was posted on the Planet Money blog -- an excerpt from a book published in the last Great Depression:

The psychic effect of the depression, it seems to me, is generally a good one.... It has taught people the difference between speculative values and real values. It has hastened the death of sick industries, and proved the vigor of sound ones. It has blown up the old delusion that the amount of money in the world is unlimited, and that every American is entitled to a police captain's share of it. Best of all, it has taught millions that there is really no earthly reason why there should be two cars in every garage, and a chicken in the pot every day.

-- H.L. Mencken

I hope this how America endures this recession.

How is the recession affecting you? Feel free to rant in your comment that you know you want to leave...

Suffice it to say

I am learning a lot about myself from some recent experiences. Involving the opposite sex. And I would like to get it off my chest. And I would type it all here and indulge/cringe at the feedback, BUT I know there are a plenty of trollers who would think it is way WAY too much information. Close friends and family, who would probably like to avoid the true inner workings of my brain. Nobody wants to read their big brother's opinion on foreplay, sex or the dating ettiquet of 20-something young "professionals". So for now I am going to hold off. But as the title states, suffice it say, I have learned a lot in a few short days. Now, I just need to try and figure out what it all means.

More posts to come!

Oh California...

So I am reading this article from Discovery.com - in a recent study from Sweden, they have found that free-range chickens are more likely to have

more bacterial infections (the most common cause of death), more parasites, and more viruses. They were also more likely to become victims of violent pecking and cannibalistic attacks.

In California, in the last election, many people around the world found out that even the most progressive state in America has its limitations. The failure to block Prop 8 was a travesty to human rights and a disgusting view of civil rights and love. But one of the things that made me most upset was that Prop 2 passed. What is Prop 2, you may ask?

Well, it's a law requiring chickens and other animals to be grown in free-range conditions. All this despite warnings from farmers and veterinarians, that free-range chickens are not always healthier. Chickens are in fact filthy animals. They are constantly in contact with their own excrement while they peck the ground, consuming food and waster alike. This sort of contamination was avoided in cages elevated above the ground, allowing waste to fall away from the bird. Cages also prevented violent, cannabalistic attacks, mentioned above.

It was common site on the streets in LA, pre-election, to see minivans and SUVs, displaying "Yes on Prop 2" and "Yes on Prop 8". People were content and eager to give more rights to ANIMALS, for conditions that did not make their lives better, while taking away rights from other HUMANS, essentially creating a type of second class citizen. As a good friend of mine suggested, maybe we should be starting PETH, People for the Ethical Treatment of Humans, as a counter to PETA.

What a world we live in. Good job California. Way to drop the ball.

The Man Who Should Have Never Been President

How did this man ever become President in the first place?

Evite Is Useless

I think the title of this post speaks for itself -- mainly it's my frustration with having to use such a terrible, rigid structure that stifles creativity. WHY can't I add returns to my message? Why must it be a sold block of crap? And secondly, and possibly more importantly, why don't people respond to the damn invite!!!!??? I have been part of Evites before, hosting them at my place etc., so I knew you could see when people viewed the invite itself. But there is no reason not to respond. If you can't come, just respond accordingly -- don't wait to see if "something clears up". Write that! There is a maybe section. Select "MAYBE" and then write some lame excuse "I can't definitely come because I am getting the sand removed from my vagina blah blah blah, but if my doc cancels blah blah blah". So frustrating...

Any way that's my rant for tonight. Expect a less bitter and angry post in a little bit.

For the Audience

So this morning while I was washing dishes, I had this lyric from Usher stuck in my head. A friend of mine, who actually might not be a consider a friend anymore, long ago, used this to jokingly describe herself. The lyric is

we want a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed

And then I got to wondering, would I be satisfied if I found a person who completed me in every way, but was not able to perform under the covers? And to be honest I didn't have an answer. Also, if dating two people at the same time and one was funny, caring, intellectually stimulating and all the other things people should, but sucked in bed AND the other was no where near as good, but was a sex goddess, who would I choose? (Now to be clear, Lady Number 2, isn't a terrible person, she just isn't perfect) I am still not sure. Hopefully, I don't learn through trial and error.

But fair reader, what about yourself? Do you know which way you would choose? Or have you had to choose in such a situation? Obviously, change gender when necessary.

How much does sex play in choosing a partner?

One can dream

So I was listen to Marketplace on NPR with Kai Ryssdal (my favorite radio host) on the ride home today, as per my usual routine and they had an interesting segment which I am going to paraphrase. They had on a soft-toned British gentleman, Charles Handy, talking about the current state of banking and where the future might lie. He had an interesting prediction/hope for the future.

I mean we may get back to a saner kind of world -- what Adam Smith called "cultivation" or "civilization" -- where we don't all sort of spend our life trying to make money, to buy things we don't really need to impress the neighbors, and so on. Where we actually do work -- not 60 hours a week, but 40 hours a week. Where we actually do take holidays. Where we actually get to know our kids again. Where it actually becomes smart to have a tiny car, to walk and bicycle and these sorts of things. And we may find we enjoy it actually just as much as the hectic pace that we've seen in recent years. I've often said that capitalism, particularly in America, is a very exhausting business. It tires people out.

Now, it may just be me, but that is definitely a future I could support.

Question

Why does CBS.com suck so badly? How hard is it for them to keep shows up to view longer than 7 days? NBC keeps theirs up for most of the season. ABC gives you 4 weeks if you missed a show. Why doesn't CBS seem to grasp that online viewership helps people stay with the show? When people are all caught up they are more likely to watch your show weekly!!!